Love Me Love Me, Say That You Love Me

It's been awhile since I've written anything that actually meant something, but this has been on my mind for several months so I figured it's high time to put my thoughts to (cyber) paper and see if I'm still thinking straight. For those of you that don't know, St. Valentine's Day is looming ahead of Western society in about two weeks. Although all the Saints Valentine (yes, there were more than one) never actually had any specific connection to love and all its effects, it is our current societal tradition to celebrate love on the day of February 14th, commemorated as Valentine's Day. Whether you view Valentine's Day as a day to be with your significant other, or a day that's simply a significant pain in the ass, every February 14th we can't help but be reminded of the adopted reason for the day, love.

What is love? Many, many, many people have thought of this and come up with their own reasoning and philosophies, and written so much about it (including seven song titles asking the same exact thing), but yet it's still something that when asked point blank, most everyone fumbles for a different answer in between the ums and the uhs of uncertainty. Agree or disagree, what follows is my thoughts and partial experiences on the subject.....

We can love many many different things. For example, one can love their family, their spouse, their pets, their job, their house, their tacos, or their xbox. You get the point. But what differentiates the love of your spouse, to the love of your parents, and your love of food? I think, first we have to separate each type of object being loved into levels. Those inanimate objects, such as an xbox or taco, is really just an extreme like. It agrees with you, your tastes buds enjoy it, or it's fun to play. It's something you enjoy doing, it's a hobby. Usually, you love your hobbies, because it's something that you choose to do for fun. This level of love is always a one way street, as objects and things cannot express their love for you.

The second level are the things that you've known for a significant time in your life, something you've grown accustomed to and although they don't always agree with you or you enjoy. It can sometimes be a one way street, but most of the time love is exchanged. You give some, and you take some. It can be your best friends, your family, or your pets. You love the things that are familiar to you because they're the things you've grown used to finding comfort in. This love is mainly expressed through favors, advice, conversation, common interests and memories. It's playing video games with your best friend for hours at a time, or the warmth of a puppy sleeping on you at night, or the caution of a father looking to save his son from the mistakes he made as a kid. It's giving your co-worker a ride to work when their car is in the shop, or even a one time occurance such as helping an elderly woman with her groceries. This is a deeper love than the first, and although it's not necessarily unconditional, this love is usually bigger than mistakes.

The third level of human relational love, is true love. It's the deepest and the riskiest form of love that we as humans know, because true love is 99.99999999999% of the time shared between two people, and only two people. So, if finding that other person in a world of 7 billion seems kind of daunting, don't worry, it is. Is there a person for everybody out there? I'd like to think so. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to find that person if you don't want to, but judging by the longevity of the institution of marriage, I think it's safe to assume that most have, will, and are more likely to want to find that person to spend the rest of their life with. But how do you know that your relationship is true love, or that it's even love at all?

So many people give weight to the exchange of the three words "I Love You" in a relationship, and although considered by some to be an event on a timeline, or a milestone, it's hardly the only way to express love. In fact, it's probably one of the worst ways to express love, as I think we all know more than one time in which words were said, and not really meant. To me, love is expressed through actions. It is said that actions speak louder than words, and in love this is nonetheless totally correct. Bruce Wayne said in "Batman Begins" that "it's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me." And that can't be any truer in this situation, as it's not what you're capable of, or what you could've done, but in every relationship it's what you do that expresses your love the most. It's not how many times he said "I love you" but how many times he showed that he loves you.

Which then brings us to our topic of true love. What defines true love? I've heard it said that the fiercest love of all is the willingness to kill for the other person, to protect them using force and cunning. But, I've always disagreed. To me, this is the fiercest lust of all, you're protecting the other person's body from harm, and also attempting to show your prowess at being able to take life to keep the lives you have. The definition of true love, according to yours truly, is the willingness to die for the other person. And this is unconditional. It's not hesitating, it's not reactionary, it's instinctual. Either you have it in you, or you don't, and if you do, you know that you do. To sacrifice yourself to enable that other person to have the thing that is most precious to them is the only definition of true love available. But, the opportunity to give your life to save another is rare, so how do we then judge if it truly is true love? As I said previously, actions speak louder than words, so how would we know that that person would die for us, without them actually dying?

You've often heard it said that when something displeasing or unfortunate happens to someone, a little part of them "dies inside". I'm going to commute this analogy to the definition of true love. For example, for most males part of us dies inside when we listen to Taylor Swift, watch a terribly acted chick flick, or set down our controller in the middle of a Call of Duty game and die five times in a row. Or when we miss out on a gathering of our best friends, or a family event, or something equally important to us. But, we can demonstrate true love by choosing to have part of us die inside. And it's not so much of a choice, as it is a reaction. We want to pause the game, we want to listen to Taylor Swift, we want to spurn our friends so that we can answer your text message, talk with you on the phone, or drop everything and meet you in the pouring rain (yes, I did borrow a Swift line.....). It's wanting to do the things that you normally wouldn't ever touch or even think of doing, just because the other person wants to. It's sacrificing ourselves for the benefit of the other person, and loving every minute of it. To me, that's the best way of showing how true your love really is.

What will you do for that other person that you're doing just because they love it? True love isn't selfish, it's 100% giving and never taking, and only receiving if it's given 100 percent. So, all I ask of you, is this Valentine's Day, don't just listen for how many times it's said, but how often true love is demonstrated.